When Things Just Don't Add Up...

If you are wondering "why the lack of blog entries lately, Chelsea?", believe me, I'm wondering myself! It seems I did much more than what is showing on my blog, yet somehow, I don't know what could be missing, so it must just be that months passed like days lately!

To catch up, first off, life has been great yet trying, fun yet nerve-racking, and blessed yet difficult. Don't know if that even makes sense or is possible all at once, but that's how I'd describe the last few months! As RS President, it seems I have said to people over and over as they tell me about their trials and REALLY difficult times, that "it's only when it truly looks impossible, when it really doesn't add up on paper, that God can do the miracle." Meaning, sometimes in a trial, when we are at our wit's end and feel we can do no more, and fully have to rely on the Lord for things to work out, that God creates a miracle. What's more, is it was so beyond ourselves to get through, that we can't doubt that it was the Lord who carried us; we KNOW it was His power, not ours that made it possible.

Well, that is all well and good and is certainly 100% true, I believe, but BOY is it harder to put into action when you are in the midst of your own trial!! It was a full 9 months of Scott giving up his dream of being a pro-golfer and coming back to Utah doing what was "best" for our family, and looking for a job...with NO success!! Even though it got hard, I felt the Lord's hand guiding us; I felt He gave me/us more patience than I ever would have had on my own; I know He blessed me with peace and faith; I have no doubt His power kept Scott and I close, despite the stress. Then came the holidays of Thanksgiving through Christmas, STILL with no job, the "end" of finances in sight, and no concrete job despite great interviews and promising leads. I found myself, despite the months of being faith-ful and knowing the Lord was carrying me, now doubting. Why do we do this, even when we have a knowledge that the Lord is aware of us and blessing us (though not usually how WE would choose to be blessed!)? Why give into the temptation to question His love for us, His power in our lives, and our ability to hear His Spirit and wonder if it was our own thoughts, or His answer, that we are following?!

Well, to shorten a very LONG ordeal, Scott DID find a job, the blessings of which are still being manifest, and definitely not all financial! Our schedules, energy, interactions with ourselves/children are so much more positive. We are in a "groove", and both have the "we're in this together" attitude. It still will be a bit until his checks start matching his effort/hours, but we're heading in the right direction! And, somehow, miraculously, although it doesn't seem to add up logically, we are getting by and things are just working out! Miracle. No doubt! (For more detail on the doubting/craziness of the season, see the "Clam Chowder" entry!)